I haven’t felt like this for a long time!

Anxious, nervous; not even certain why or what I am fearful of.

Last time I felt this way, was just before Daiyaan was born.  More than sixteen years ago, I felt this tug on my heart – felt paralyzed as to what to expect. I had never been a father before and didn’t have my own father to ask – how to feel – what to expect. The day after she was born, the anxiety dissipated. Somehow I knew, how to hold her, how to soothe her.

Every time I have started in a new role, a new job, the urgent need to understand and win has overridden the anxiety. There are always people there to talk to, understand and discover new things. The immense curiosity of people overtakes all anxiety.

But today, the feeling is completely different.

In all these years, I have never taken part in a team sport like this. A 200 mile relay race (http://www.ragnarrelay.com/race/floridakeys ) traversing the southernmost points of the beautiful United States. 12 of us; some 36 hours running on surface streets.

Sleep? Not sure.

I am not certain, that my nervousness comes from my inability to actually complete the task; after all, we have trained since October. I believe it stems from the newness and it’s “in-your-face” reality of the possibility of letting your team down.

I hear of chatter of buying running tape, injuries, alligators in the alley, getting disqualified, sipping “drinking goo” – all of this newness  – in my face. I am glad I have a great coach, who talks about just drinking chocolate milk to heal.

Last night, people were talking about drinking more beer or loading up on more starch. Then someone mentioned having salt tablets (sodium) or bananas (potassium). A thousand remedies popping up around me – like pop-up ads on a new web-site.

I have to stop thinking about all this!

I make myself a hot cup of “gorom cha” (milky hot tea); turn on some music that comforts me.  A soft message appears on my cell from my sixteen-year old daughter, “Don’t be (anxious)! You’ll have fun”.

Awww. My heart melts.

I have surrounded myself with people, emotions that I love; I feel comfortable with.

Anxiety is nothing but an emotion, where uncertainty surrounds you. I believe, I have found the remedy. Focus on what makes you comfortable; what makes you smile. Once you know what that is, everything else becomes a piece of cake.

It’s gonna be 74 degrees today in South Florida. Glorious sunshine all the way.

I am ready. The world has prepared me for whatever comes. Alligators or not!

Go for it, my team, The Water Boys!

When I start my run, I will think of running towards Shania for a big hug!

Choices we make everyday!

My personal “happiness” goals for 2012 are:

1. Kayak on the inter-coastal canals (at least) 5 times
2.  Explore the option of making a new “best friend”: a Golden Lab (dog)
3. Take two intriguing vacations (Alaska? Israel?Brasil?)
4. Buy a hammock for the patio and use it once a week!
5. Volunteer (at least) 6 times, at a local food kitchen or charity and bring the girls along
6. Buy beach chairs and at least go to the beach 12 times in the year

In the past, I have set lofty goals that were never accomplished; I always have justifications as to why they didn’t happen – too big, brash or audacious!

Last year, I set three goals: lose 20  lbs,  learn how to play the guitar and start learning Spanish!

I have only achieved the first goal.

Never went near a guitar store, never bought that package of the Spanish Rosetta Stone (even though I have walked by their airport kiosks many times). In the mean time, I have signed on to some other goals that were not part of the thought process. Life takes such curvy turns, I have all the excuses ready as to why I didn’t accomplish my other personal objectives.

If I was a working in my “Life” business, I believe, I would have been fired by now. Finishing one of three objectives in a whole year, gives one a failing grade of 33%!

We are pretty good at setting work related goals – since corporate objectives have to be met. Why do we get have difficulty with personal goals?  These are things we always wanted to do or things that at that particular time thought, would make us happy!

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we don’t memorialize or socialize our goals with others. Most of us lack the discipline to set and prioritize our own goals.  We set too big goals setting ourselves up for failure and then, let “life” get in the way of “living”!

I wrote an essay a few months ago about making checklists and checking it off – making small, daily, achievements meaningful (http://wp.me/pDd9a-6V)!

Similarly, I believe, we need to memorialize our “happiness” goals every year – write it down somewhere where it will be visible on a continuous basis! Hiding these goals away, somewhere, in private only delays or postpones the accomplishment of the goal. I know someone, who has a picture of his ” dream boat” clipped on his closet door!

Socializing these goals, just like we do with work goals, with at least 5 close friends, may actually help us achieve these goals. These “happiness coaches” of our lives, by pestering us to achieving these goals, may actually play the role of being an advocate for making sure we do spend some for our ownselves.

Finally, we need to give ourselves some momentum; setup at least one goal that’s very achievable – very simple and affordable – like buying beach chairs!

Like a meandering river, life takes on its directions; rainfall or a storm may obstruct the flow once in a while – but the river of life continues with its full force. Rarely do we know what heartbreak or disaster lies ahead of us in this journey. Predicting tomorrow  – and it’s uncertainty is no better than playing the lottery.

In this constant uncertainty, let me argue, setting a few measurable, attainable “happiness goals” every year, is ultimately meaningful; otherwise, one day, we may wake up and find that the river has overruled and we have lost the semblence of any accomplishment that we believed could make us reasonably happy.

Happiness is not just a state of mind – happiness must be defined, and achieved on its own merit. Go ahead set a few goals for yourself for the coming year – see how it feels once you accomplish one or two of those goals!

I went to Costco today and bought a couple of beach chairs! I will start the practice of my beach going habits before the end of the year!

Finally accomplished the 3 year goal of parasailing with Daiyaan on Christmas Day 2011

Whether it’s to a child who wants to watch her favorite TV show during your particular sports broadcast, or as an executive of a company, saying “NO” to a particular (capital, acquisition or human resource) request, all NOs require, raising our blood pressure, feeling guilty, being upset and possibly sulking for hours after you have delivered the negative answer.

Why is saying NO so difficult? I thought two-year olds learn to say NO very early in their lives!

I believe it has something to do with our innate desire to be liked, loved, accepted.

I have a friend, who is so petrified to say NO, he avoids any commitment, sidestepping every answer; “Join us for dinner?” – the answer is, “I will try my best”.

In Arabic, there is the classic phrase, “Inshallah” (God Willing). During my decade of dealings in the Middle East, when a customer or a sales rep says that Inshallah the purchase order will arrive soon – you understand the low probability. They just don’t want to “insult” you with a NO – and resort to putting everything in the invisible hands of forces up there! – I am glad that my Western friends haven’t made many Arab friends to pick up this magical NO phrase!

Similarly, In Bangla, there is a clear phrase, “Shobi Allahr (or Bhogobaner) Iccha” (Everything is God’s Will). The phrase is usually accompanied by a circular hand-wringing and looking up at the sky!  I have heard stories of future father-in-laws using this phrase to deny the proposals of potential suitors for their daughter; instead of saying a direct NO, use this as a graceful Exit Strategy!

My sixteen-year old will sometimes ask for something that I just cannot bring her, immediately. I have a tried a few different tactics (without saying NO) with mixed success.

First, I try to rationalize, and negotiate; well, we can by the new Wii, if you are willing to come up with half the funds! Or, you can sleep over at your friend’s house, if you finish the essay that’s due next Wednesday. Inside, I am praying , that she can’t pull off a miracle and there just isn’t enough time or resources to complete my unreasonable request.

Similarly, at work, when someone comes requesting for more human resources for their team, I typically connect it with increased revenues. Show me the money, baby! If you can bring an incremental revenue base, it’s very easy to say YES!

It amazes me most, when executives will bring proposals that (they know) don’t pass muster – but they do so, just to hear that NO (from a higher authority) and then relay it back to their teams that “senior management” refused to invest in their idea! This way, they don’t have to say NO to their teams!! Come on, let’s grow up – my six-year old has better sense than that!

I have noticed that some days are just NO saying days; at the end, refusing to budge from positions, or denying requests for investment capital – my shoulders hurt – I am so tired that I have a hard time keeping my eyes open.

Recently, during a personal calamity, I was bombarded by “well-wishers” to do something that they firmly believed was in my best interest ! I could’ve taken the path of least resistance and succumbed to their urgings; but, it was eating away at my core to have to say NO to so many people! One stressful evening, I had to put an end to a twenty-two text conversation by telling someone to just stop harassing me!

Wouldn’t it be easy, if we could just say YES to all requests and could smile and agree to everything!

Saying YES, is easy and smooth like water. It flows without friction and heals cracked openings – soothing over hurt and pain.

But as an adult, a parent, a leader, or a just as a rational human being – we have to learn to say NO. I have a firm belief, most “normal” human beings don’t like to use the word NO; they have to say it to protect their own interests.

The important skill, I believe, is to learn how to turn the decision back to the requestor – by asking something back in return that is may even be bigger than the request they are making. At that point, the requester understands that there is absolutely no way to accomplish this mammoth task without changing course on their own.  So teach them how to process a “NO” more.

In our lives, the more we say YES, we are better off; let’s try to find ways to say NO less. The only way to make that happen is to teach others to say the NO first – that way the question/request doesnt even appear in-front of you!

It’s easy to love one thing, people, nation, religion or race; it’s a lot more difficult to
love different types of things or people, which may contradict each other.

As a child, it’s difficult to grasp the symbolism of a game of tug-of-war during a friend’s birthday. We pull, laugh and fall on the ground as the rope keeps moving in one direction or another.

On a trip back to Bangladesh, like a game of tug-of-war, I feel a tug at my heart.

The warmth and affection, from friends and family,  is addictive. When you are “visiting”,everyone loves you for these precious moments. They visit you, invite you to join them for a meal, shower you with gifts, and offer you unsolicited advice – in no particular order.

While sitting in my mother’s living room, thousands of miles away from home, I feel
the craving to play with Shania, my six-year old, in our pool or go on a sunset boat ride with Daiyaan and get a salty kiss from the Atlantic! I want to be here and there at the same time.

The classic immigrant dilemma: I want my two worlds to commingle.

At the end, though, how we sort through these contradictory urges, makes us human.

Is it, by taking the path of least resistance? Or, is it by making the most difficult path?

Many immigrants, face a trigger-decision at one point or another; give up your career goals or the interest of your children’s education, to fulfill your wish to be with and take care of an aging parent? Or – abandon the parent, to achieve your life-long goals and to ensure the future safety and security of your children?

When the heart is involved, I think it’s difficult to think about all of the options and consequences with a clear mind or perfect heart. Sometimes there is a triggering event that forces one to make a choice – a tragedy, disaster or some pinnacle event. It’s easy that way – blame it on the circumstances! “Ja hoi, bhalor jonnoi hoi (Whatever happens, happens for the best).”

Last Year, I wrote about making decisions with “No Regrets”. (http://zainmahmood.wordpress.com/decisions-with-no-regrets/)

Sorting out a dotana however, is not always that simple. There are (at least) two options to
consider.

1. Give-in and let pre-determination, “whatever happens, happens for a reason”, take over.  Let destiny choose its course, look for divine intervention to sort out the dilemma. And pray hard.
2. Seek an “elegant” solution that meets most of yours, and other stakeholders’ needs.

Neither path is perfect – rarely is there a guarantee of blissful happiness.

The deterministic path makes some nervous – mostly those who believe that outcomes can be managed, maneuvered.

The elegant choice path requires working hard, prioritizing, making choices and acting on those choices.

Having tried both paths, my personal inclination is to try the latter first, and if no
headway, succumb to the former! This path, if all fails, gives me the excuse, that at least, “I tried”.

In college, I knew studying Engineering was the more practical option – but passionately loved Economics as a field to study. The solution was to pursue a major in Engineering and a minor in Economics. The practical outcome-based decision overruled my heart. Clearly, that decision has served me well for twenty years!

However, not all decisions in life turn out that simple, or with a pleasant outcome.  Sometimes, one finds themselves making the decisions on which path would lead to a “lesser negative” outcome. Recently, a friend shared his personal experience of disconnecting life-support to one of his parents after many months of coma; everyone looked at him to make that decision. Even today, he wakes up in the middle of the night, crying and perspiring.

After everything is said and done, there are no perfect decisions.  As we grow older, we confront our decisions with courage and some level of moral intensity – or with a deep belief that God (or some Universal Energy) will aid and abet us in sorting out the outcome – the only choice we really have is to prepare to live with the consequences of that particular decision.

When things go haywire, we can choose to be a victim or, own up to our decision and live
the best we can, under the changed circumstances. Second guessing ourselves, “could’ve,
should’ve, would’ve, done this or that” is rarely of much use. Instead, let’s accept the new reality, learn from the experience and try to make the best, again, whenever the situation calls for it.

On a dusty Dhaka evening, outside the airport, I put my bags on a trolley, kiss my mother’s
forehead and tell her that we will see each other soon. There is lingering anxiety and questions in the air; in silence, our eyes ask each other, when will I see you again, are you going to be all-right in this alone world. I see tears in her eyes and turn away because I don’t want her to notice mine. I can hear her saying from the back, “Bhalo Thako, Baba
(Stay well).”

I wish, like that childhood party game, every tug-of-war life decision, was simple, scar-free, and didn’t involve getting hurt or hurting someone else. We could laugh, scream, pull harder and worst, fall on the ground; after the game, there was always lemonade, a nice frosted cake with ice-cream and maybe another game of hide-and-go seek.

Three of Us Happy in October 2011

Hot cup of milky-tea; the Saturday morning Wall Street Journal accompanied by my favorite tunes on the overhead speakers of my sunshine splashed patio – the water fountain splashing away with its own music. My precious six-year old, gives me a hug with her head touching my cheek; a simple series of events on a simple Saturday.

That’s happiness by choice.

Every morning, we wake up and choose to be happy. Happiness is rarely an accident. Once in a while, serendipity grants us a surprise dose of euphoria; however, long-lasting stream of conscious happiness has to be planned, in detail and executed with precision. Paolo Coelho talks about “When you really want something, the energy of the Universe conspires with you.” 

Few years ago, I read Coelho’s The Alchemist and was fascinated by the Andalucian region of Europe. My heart craved to experience this inspiring region of creativity and natural splendor. In 2009, I planned to drive through the sunflowers to arrive at this wonderful city called Rhonda – where the water flowed out of the rocks!

Shania and I walking in Rhonda

Had I waited for serendipity or some divine intervention, I would still be in anticipation
of my romance with this beautiful region. When I saw the amazing cathedral of
Seville or stayed in the missionary complex in the Alhambra again, I believed in the energy of the Universe conspiring on my behalf to create some of the happiest memories of my life!

Jim Collins and Morten Hanson in their new book Greatness by Choice (Harper Collins, 2011, write about companies that succeed in the most chaotic conditions and come out on top even with adversity and uncertainty on a continous basis. Even in the most difficult times, these companies (e.g. southwest airlines), choose to train relentlessly to achieve their goals; the fact that they win more, against their competition, is not mere luck- but a result of the diligence that the entire organization puts into succeeding every day – under every circumstance. The authors break down the myths that these leaders are somehow more risk takers or visionaries, make radical changes or have more good luck.

Building on the Collins-Hanson’s principle of “thriving on uncertainty” principle , I believe, our individual lives are also often thrown into uncertainty and chaos. Even in this ever-changing world, those who choose to be happy, actually work hard seeking that goal – irrespective of the circumstances that are handed to them.

During a recent stormy series of life-events, I keep looking at all the gifts I have been given; two lovely souls surrounding me with their beauty and affection; my almost perfect surroundings of South Florida; a job that I love with a team that I enjoy leading; friends and family in four continents, that connect with me and inspire me on a daily basis. Passion of boating, reading, wine or racquetball that fill most of my free time. So many parts of my life are so near perfect, that I am grateful to God for allowing me the ability enjoy them with all my senses.

I could sit here and brood over why I don’t have a head full of hair, or why some other
part of my life is not complete – but that’s like looking at the “glass as half full.” Instead, I concentrate on things that continue to make me happy.

My princesses make me happy; routine activities, continuity and stability make me
happy; nostalgia makes me happy. Good music, good books and a simple hug make
me happy.

Once in awhile, happiness does come knocking on my door; most often though, I have found that it’s more of a planned, orchestrated choice. Sometimes, it’s a enjoying a cucumber martini with a good friend at the local bistro; sometimes its cooking Paellea
and petit fillet with a group of friends at my home; often it’s just a simple walk with Daiyaan or Shania (or both) on the beach. Each of these, however, is a conscious choice that I make to go and exercise. For those precious moments, I feel elated – happy.

It’s Thursday morning.

I fly out overseas tonight and willbe apart from my loved ones and my beloved South Florida, for much longer than I desire. I can go to work this morning and ponder over more files and say “NO” to more people and keep my Ce”NO” reputation alive!

Or, I can choose to take my little boat out to the ocean and let the Atlantic kiss me goodbye.

 In fact, today, the ocean is a bit choppy. It’s not a gentle kiss that I am gifted. Shimmering sun on the amazing blue-green at a gentle 30 mph speed, I get a warm splash embrace that’s hard to forget.

On this long journey, I take with me a piece of love of water, an amazing view of my lighthouse and start my journey as a relatively happy man!

Mom and I: Last Time She was in Florida: Summer 2010

There is a huge brouhaha brewing about the concept of an “Asian Tiger Mom”, who is pushy and demanding.

As the child of such a Tiger Mom, I can attest that she was demanding; however, it was not always about getting an “A” in academics or winning medals. It was always about excelling and doing the best that I can do, in every situation.

The first recollection of her absurd demand was when I was maybe five or six years old.

She took me to the front of the High Court building in Dhaka (one of the tallest buildings a five year old can imagine), and told me that I strive to grow as tall as the building and always stand up straight. I had no idea how to accomplish this unnatural feat. Only today,  I realize what that powerful statement meant in a little child’s mind.

She defends her children like a real tiger; no one criticizes her cubs. She always maintains that her children can be anything they choose to be. This insufferable defense and dogmatic belief in our own success, makes one feel secure that you imagine that you can climb any mountain you choose.

I remember, during my Freshman year in college, during those pre-internet, pre-mobile phone days, my mother wrote me a letter every week. Having experienced her own “immigration” at an early age, she understood the loneliness of an international student away from home. Her weekly letters, with instructions of how to do laundry or how to cook Keema, were all behind my surviving the first year in college in a desolate, foreign land.

Later in life, to be able to enjoy the sparkle in her eye, sitting through my Master’s Thesis presentation or visiting my first home in Toledo, or my first workplace,  was amazing.

Last year,  she visited me at South Florida. I took her to my new office and asked her to sit in my chair. She had tears in her eyes – and the only thing she could tell me is that she wished my dad was alive today to see what I had accomplished.

Without her tiger-like inspiration and constant “nudging” to strive higher – everyday, it is hard to imagine, where I would be today.

Just now, I heard that a childhood friend lost his mom yesterday.

Next week, I start my eight thousand mile journey back to my birthplace; I know, from the moment of my landing, till the moment I leave, she will want to speak to me. She worries about my health, my happiness and well-being. Even at this adult stage of my life, she feels responsible for protecting me.

She sees me hurt and agonize over decisions; she urges me to pray, re-assures me, that everything will be ok; “Allah only gives challenges to those, that can handle the challenge”, she says on the phone.

From a thousand miles away, she feels helpless. Even with her crumbling health, she offers to come and help me in my distress. This is what mothers do.

So what, if a Tiger Mom is possessive and defensive about her children! So what, if they see their children doing nothing wrong! Without this courage to face off the complicated, angry world, our lives could be so different.

Mom, I know you have protected me all my life; I know you have prayed for me every day, sometimes, five times a day. In sickness and in health, you have asked for nothing back.

I wouldn’t have my Tiger Mom, any other way.

My Tiber Mom sits proudly in my office in front of a giant portrait of my daughters!

Tumi aar Aami!

Between Labor Day and Thanksgiving, board meetings,  customer meetings and industry events stack up my calendar; in twelve weeks, I end up with equal number or more trips. Some may be short over-night jaunts – while others, long-haul travels to the remote corners of the world.  Traditionally, this is a busy season with long-term contracts, customer visits,  budgets and annual operating plan designs and presentations.

Two or three dress shirts (at least one white), two pairs of slacks, a suit or a blazer, enough
underwear and socks, a pair of gym shoes, shorts and Under Armor t-shirts – maybe a sweater for the cold or a pair of shorts for the warm, are packed neatly and quickly. A shaving kit with it’s translucent plastic section (for airport security) is always stocked with trip essentials.

For over four years, my constant companion during these trips have been my black carry-on suitcase and computer bag; I never check bags  and I have traveled to all continents with this “regulation size” ensemble –that I have everything I need during these getaways stored in these two companions. When some Asian or Middle Eastern airline tries to take
away my small ebony friend (too heavy or too big), I cringe and try to sneak them in, around these nasty gate agents.

Over time, my suitcase and computer bag have become really good friends that silently
carry my minimal cargo – without much conversation or drama. On a rare occasion, when I check my carry-on – I feel alone and vulnerable on the flight; as if one of my limbs is missing – I keep looking for it on the overhead compartment; I watch it come down the airport conveyor belt in dismay. I feel, I have it let down, by not carrying it on the flight. For two days, it may not respond to me solitary, silent conversations!

The wife of a very successful and wealthy professional, once told me about the last two
months of his life, battling cancer in a hospital in a far away land. Even though they had collected homes in many different parts of the world, and had every luxury at their disposal – during his last two months, he lived with the two suitcases that he had packed with his own hands. As if, towards the end, like a tree in distress, he shed his leaves, and came down to the core essentials.

Recently, I read an essay on Steve Jobs, where I learned about the minimalist Jobs and his
passion for simplicity in his personal life. The essay said that Jobs, for many years lived with very spartan and simple furniture. His forceful simplicity allowed him to concentrate on what he believed in so passionately – just the bare essentials. This forced life-style also impacted his design thinking on the miracle devices that impacts billions of people around the world.

Management Guru, Ram Charan, travels the world and doesn’t have a place to call home. His laundry is sent back to his office and he keeps going from city to city
spreading his mantra to CEOs and senior executives of the world.

At the end of the day, when we are ready to head back, most of us, take nothing with us.
Unlike historic Egyptian titans, who may have been buried their weight in gold or their favorite mistress or pet cat, most of us will be buried simply or cremated nonchalantly.

This morning, at 5:15 am, in my sterile hotel room, I re-pack my my black carry on
and all its contents quickly, to be out of the hotel by 5:30. Like a trusted friend, it yields to my pressure and squeezes in the new baseball hat that I have bought at the University bookstore.

I head outof the hotel, one hand free, one hand pulling the double-mounted black
carry-on, aptly named Tumi (in Bangla, the word tumi (with a Spanish sounding t), means “you”). Tumi and Aami (I) jump into the silver rental, and start our journey to another airport.

This simplicity of our journey, reminds me that there will come a day, when Tumi won’t be coming with me.

On this early, frosty morning, however, I have a friend journeying with me – wherever my
future takes me.

It’s during a crisis, that you see the true color of someone’s heart.

When things are going good, just like in business,  it’s easy to do all the right things and be a “friend” to everyone; during difficult times, the true color of our heart shows through and you may either build the foundations of a true friendship or destroy a long nurtured relationship.

Most of us have a vindictive, difficult side –which sometimes has a hard time accepting the good of others. Partly it’s our competitive side – partly it’s jealousy or our selfish nature. Similarly, during difficulty (of others), it’s easier to run away and hide, than to take a stance and fight for just cause.

A few years ago, I started in a new role and had no choice, but to change-out most of my team. Some folks, feeling threatened by these changes, started a smear campaign against the “new” team members – describing the impending disaster arising from the recent changes.  Having been targeted in the past by similar attacks, I can assure you that these are not fun times!  The only thing you can do is really not respond to these attacks. The more you respond, the more you embolden the attacker to promote further attacks.

In my personal life, I have faced many crises, when I needed a helping hand or needed someone to show me the way. Many “friends” I knew, ran away from these situations. The true friends, who stood by me (or my family) remain friends forever.            

Over time, you realize that, the weak,  typically don’t have the courage to accept new realities which may/not impact their own interest.

The only thing one can do, in such instances, is to make sure that the truth remains firmly grounded and that we don’t stoop down to that level of “dirt” that’s being disbursed.

When we hear rumor or untruthful innuendo, our typical reaction is to respond by hitting back hard – or to attack the “dirt thrower” with a smear campaign of our own.

Mahatma Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye would make the world blind.”

Over experiences, one learns that mudslinging leads nowhere, and at the end, invariably, everyone gets hurt. The most significant damage is inflicted on human relationships – some of which may have been nurtured over years.

From a very early age, my parents taught to keep my nose clean, hold my head high and let the truth stand firm. In most instances, the bright light of truth overcomes the weak darkness spread from the dungeons of our souls.

During a recent personal crisis, folks (I thought) I have known over a decade, chose to spread baseless rumors, innuendo about me or the people I love. A very close “relative” who held my daughter after her birth, accused this teenager of something so bizarre that it brought tears to my eyes.

The first time I heard the story, my immediate reaction was to call on them and give them a piece of my mind; a good friend made me realize that’s exactly what these people want. They want to see some negative reaction from me – or want me to implode.

The best “revenge” I guess, is to completely avoid these insinuations and live life to it’s fullest.

When you realize that you have nothing to apologize for, you free yourself of the burden of blames!

At the end of the day, when we leave this planet, the only valuable legacy we leave behind, is the richness of the relationships we have nurtured over life; rarely do people talk about your net worth, or how beautiful you look – all of which fade over time.

What’s important, is how you have treated others, and how much and how many, you may have loved.

My everyday prayer: God give me the courage, in both good and bad times, to stay focused on what’s important. Even if the darkest shadow of someone else’s heart casts a shadow on my life, I choose to end every day knowing what I have done is right, fair (to others) and beautiful!

Viewing the Sun at Annapolis Harbor last week

My comment to you is a little bit different; why does it matter?

They are both spectacularly beautiful times– symbolizing the two most beautiful moments of any day. Both are serene times, during which we either, sit back and think about what we will do during the next few hours – or what we may have accomplished during the last few hours!

A smooth glass of Oregon Pinot Noir in hand, one enjoys a sunset with some wonderful slow Robindro Shongeet; alternately, a crisp cup of steaming Java, with some bright Jason Mraz, makes a beautiful Sunrise even more spectacular.

Is sunrise or sunset that different from each other? Which is the beginning, and which one is real the ending? Why do we have to pick one favorite moment in our lives? Why can’t we celebrate both?

I have had the amazing opportunity to watch a spectacular sunrises by the dormant Kilauea Volcano in the Big Island of Hawaii, or a simple cottage on the waters in Bar Harbor, Maine; I have watched amazing sunsets in the Himalyas in Nepal and also on the ocean, around the Great Barrier Reefs in Australia. One thing I can assure you, every sunset and sunrise, wherever you maybe, is both meaningful and spectacular.

The more you realize that, at the end of this event, there is one less sunset or sunrise in your “quota”, they become even more beautiful, meaningful.

When the Azaan from the Minarets remind you to pray during Maghreb, usually right after a sunset, before the red of the sky disappears, something clings to your heart and gratitude sweeps you for having lived another day.

Sun plays hide-and-seek amongst clouds in Annapolis - Last Week

I remember a very tough day, last October; right around sunset, I was given some very tough news that I have been somehow, expecting. Still, knowing that my life was changing forever, right before my eyes, it was something I was fearful of. The truth, however real, sometimes hurts a lot.

 I went away to the beach near our home and spent the night watching the white surf.  I could taste the salt of the ocean on my face. I wrote a piece the following morning, called “The First Day of the Rest of My Life”.

http://zainmahmood.wordpress.com/2010/10/24/the-first-day-of-the-rest-of-my-life-oct-24-2010/

In a matter of hours, the sun came up and washed away that immediate pain, anger and hurt that I had carried all night. As if, the ocean and the sun conspired together, to remind me of the gifts that surround me– of beautiful lives, smiles, hugs and emotions.

When you realize that your life is connected with all these beautiful people, somehow you derive energy from the sun, to rise again, and to go and make a difference.

Both sunrises and sunsets are meaningful in my life. I don’t necessarily believe in discrete ending of a day at the time of sunset.

Long ago, I had asked one of my elders, what happened to the sun at night – was it sleeping, bathing or going to the bathroom;  this wise person, told me that the sun did none of those things.

From that point onward, I have believed, that the after sunset, the Sun went looking for nice things to bring back to me in a few hours, while I rest. Just like a wonderful parent, during my happy and sad moments, the sun keeps reminding me of the continuous re-invention of life.

Happiness is a boat ride with your loved ones on a beautiful evening

About a year ago, I wrote about feeling as if, I am always waiting at the Doorstep of Heaven,  knowing what heaven looks like from the outside– but unable to enter it; waiting and persevering (eventually it became the name of this blog).

http://zainmahmood.wordpress.com/at-the-doorstep-of-heaven/

On this beautiful first Monday of September, as we psychologically bid farewell to another Summer, I sit back and remember the many elements of happiness during the last four or five months:  

Having the people I love, close to me;

Enjoying a great dinner and conversation with close family (during a 7 day trip to Vancouver);

Nurturing every moment of inter coastal boat rides with people I enjoy;

Daiyaan and Shania on a boat ride

Reading an amazing book (Monsoon, Robert Kaplan) or tearfully listening to a song that my sixteen-year old daughter linked on my Facebook page (Count on Me, by Bruno Mars);  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJYXItns2ik

Relishing a batch of soft chocolate chip cookies that my six-your old daughter and I baked,  and dunking a cookie in the perfect cup of hot milky tea;

A re-connection dinner with an old friend, after 26 years (in Boston) or completely drunken adda with a another childhood friend (in London);

Enjoying an amazing concert by Rihanna with my sixteen-year old;

A delicious espresso martini followed by some amazing Quesidillas or Southwestern Egg rolls on an evening, followed by an amazing thriller movie (The Debt);

I could go on and on, about all of these experiences this Summer, creating a wonderful scrapbook of memories.

But these episodes of euphoria, are also peppered with some of the darkest and yes, strangest memories that will last me a lifetime.

At one point of my life, I used to believe, happiness comes in a continuous spectrum, covering us like a warm blanket on a chilly night.  

As one gets older, and experiences heartbreak or loss, it’s accepted that happiness is more a cotton patchwork quilt; the kind that your grandmother gifts you when you go away to college or leave home for a job. It has the feeling of soft cotton – and you can see the stains of memory, linger on every patch; you feel the wrinkles of her fingers massaging it.

On this September evening, as I bid farewell to Summer of 2011, I take with me, some of those sweet memories and wonder, if given the opportunity, what I will be writing about, a year from now.

Last year, on Labor Day weekend, my little mermaid and I, swam in the pool , we bar-b-cued burgers and enjoyed the company of friends on our lovely patio. Today, some of those friends are either far away from us or, may have become a sideline casualty of our lives. New friendships have emerged, new relationships have formed.

Just like that wonderful quilt; you can see the fractures and frictions of our lives mingle together with our euphoric moments and positive sentiments. As if, one patch could not survive without the other.  

Why is it, that happiness comes in such a patchwork quilt form; why doesn’t it come in that industrially produced, continuous thread, blanket form?

Maybe it’s because, that’s how life is meant to be; a patchwork of good and bad memories – none of which lasts forever, but the impression remains permanently.

Each one of us are gifted this quilt of life, in different forms and shapes.

At night, when that Fall air creeps through the window, and gives a sudden chill; we pull that quilt up, and protect ourselves – knowing very well, that more new memories will be added to the quilt, giving us warmth and protection in difficult times.

As we grow older, this quilt of memories, becomes a friend, telling us stories of the past; we carry it around in our mental suitcases. When things are going well, or not so well, we bring that quilt out, and feel the little patches.

Every patch tells us a story – maybe that of a hospital visit when someone was ill – maybe that of the morning when our first born came as a gift – or maybe simply the evening that we first meet someone – and believe that, love can conquer all.