Sometimes, things just change. No notice, no reason.
9/11 changed our lives forever; it changed the way we travel, the way we think about business risk, the way we feel when we stand atop a sky scraper and look out at airplanes. It even changed the way we react when we hear of another Muslim/Arabic name when it shows up on the news, related or not.
That’s just the way life is. When things are going “good” – something will change the direction. Since 9/11, frequent travelers like myself, have adjusted to the way we travel – with or without luggage – how we carry liquids in our bags – or even, what we decide to eat or drink as we head out to the airport. Over time I have accepted that, it’s the new normal.
Recently, when the congresswoman Gabriel Gifford was shot, I felt really bad for her and her family. However, there is a part of me that was a relieved that the shooter didn’t have an Arabic name. There’s a part of me that just automatically cringes every time I hear an Arabic named in the media. I believe, this is the New Normal, after 9/11. After ten-years, it’s still tough to get adjusted to this New Normal.
Change is difficult to get used to. Business philosophers write numerous books on change, and how to deal with it, every year. However, at the end of the day, it’s really tough, when you are going through that particular change.
It maybe a job change, a life change – or a rule change that creates all sorts of negative emotions in our hearts and minds. I read in the book Sway (Ori and Rom Braffman, 2010), that the most rational beings (like a perfectionist pilot), can demonstrate the most irrational behavior (like trying to take off a Jumbo jet in the middle of a weather event), because some rule has changed (about the way he is judged on overtime hours). In broad view, it makes no sense. However, these irrational fears or negative emotions, can take over our minds and make us do some unusual things.
During a recent series work of negotiations, on a multi-year, multi-million dollar contract, the other party kept changing the rules on the negotiations every few days. It’s easy to get frustrated, while trying to change the dynamic in the negotiation. However, it’s important, in all aspects of life and work, to keep the long-view in mind. Once you keep the long-term context – it becomes easier to keep focused on what needs to be accomplished.
Having suffered through through illness, death, heartbreak and other personal difficulty, I can attest that it’s more difficult to keep oneself focused on what’s right for the long term, when the change has an impact on your personal life.
Emotions sway us even more widely, when the issue is personal; the external environment influences us more deeply. Friends and family feel obliged to give you advice on what to do.
At the end of the day though, one has to stay focused on the long term – what’s important in our lives. In our life-journey, we have to first accept that we have been dealt with this challenging New Normal.
We have to stop blaming others or the external environment; once that acceptance is there, we have to recognize that only we have the ability to adjust and change the outcome. The world can advise from the sidelines – but at the end of the day, they are just spectators – you are the only one playing the game. If you win, it’s your victory – if you lose, it’s your loss.
Someone sent me a text recently, Life’s like a box of chocolates, you don’t know what you will find next; keeping that in mind, we must learn to discern carefully – make our own choices – and not try to engulf everything with speed.
Time heals, and we adjust and learn to live with that New Normal.