I haven’t felt like this for a long time!
Anxious, nervous; not even certain why or what I am fearful of.
Last time I felt this way, was just before Daiyaan was born. More than sixteen years ago, I felt this tug on my heart – felt paralyzed as to what to expect. I had never been a father before and didn’t have my own father to ask – how to feel – what to expect. The day after she was born, the anxiety dissipated. Somehow I knew, how to hold her, how to soothe her.
Every time I have started in a new role, a new job, the urgent need to understand and win has overridden the anxiety. There are always people there to talk to, understand and discover new things. The immense curiosity of people overtakes all anxiety.
But today, the feeling is completely different.
In all these years, I have never taken part in a team sport like this. A 200 mile relay race (http://www.ragnarrelay.com/race/floridakeys ) traversing the southernmost points of the beautiful United States. 12 of us; some 36 hours running on surface streets.
Sleep? Not sure.
I am not certain, that my nervousness comes from my inability to actually complete the task; after all, we have trained since October. I believe it stems from the newness and it’s “in-your-face” reality of the possibility of letting your team down.
I hear of chatter of buying running tape, injuries, alligators in the alley, getting disqualified, sipping “drinking goo” – all of this newness – in my face. I am glad I have a great coach, who talks about just drinking chocolate milk to heal.
Last night, people were talking about drinking more beer or loading up on more starch. Then someone mentioned having salt tablets (sodium) or bananas (potassium). A thousand remedies popping up around me – like pop-up ads on a new web-site.
I have to stop thinking about all this!
I make myself a hot cup of “gorom cha” (milky hot tea); turn on some music that comforts me. A soft message appears on my cell from my sixteen-year old daughter, “Don’t be (anxious)! You’ll have fun”.
Awww. My heart melts.
I have surrounded myself with people, emotions that I love; I feel comfortable with.
Anxiety is nothing but an emotion, where uncertainty surrounds you. I believe, I have found the remedy. Focus on what makes you comfortable; what makes you smile. Once you know what that is, everything else becomes a piece of cake.
It’s gonna be 74 degrees today in South Florida. Glorious sunshine all the way.
I am ready. The world has prepared me for whatever comes. Alligators or not!
Go for it, my team, The Water Boys!
When I start my run, I will think of running towards Shania for a big hug!